Ah yes, the casual “rolling down the window and almost crashing your car into the curb for the fifth time this week” to casually stop and stare as the cute alternative-indie boy skateboards by. You can’t help but watch as he does a tre-flip off the curb while looking cool as hell as he mongos on his way to the next block as a bit of drool rolls down your lips (for anyone who doesn’t know and is a bit disturbed that I even know this, “mongo” in the skate community means to push with the front foot instead of the back).

The thoughts in your brain start to trickle down as you watch this guy with luscious brown long hair that almost looks like Jesus’ board closer to the car.

“Do another trick. Please God, let him do another trick. Why does he look familiar? I wonder if he was at the house show in Echo Park last night? Wait, is that my ex’s friend? Jesus Christ, that’s his drummer in their band. Drive, sis, drive.”

You might notice this is a common thread: A trending theme of ladies who constantly make fun of the typical indie-boy who looks half dead, and yet, they still date this type of man — or boy, whichever you prefer — every damn time.

Here we are ladies, in all of our glory, falling for each of these jaded so-called “hip Gen-Z boys.” I mean, you have to admit, it’s a phenomenon that has truly been taking place over the last few years. You see it in every rising DIY artist, the mannequins at Urban Outfitters and for God’s sake, no matter where you look in Los Angeles, you can’t even go five minutes without spotting one walking along Venice Boulevard at 2 a.m. with a JUUL.

The typical skateboard attached to the hip, the rolled up Dickies that look as if they haven’t been washed in two weeks, a silver or gold chain around his neck, a small fitted beanie as if it looks like a condom was cut and placed on top of the head and of course you can’t forget about the rusty high top Converse that are a staple to each outfit.

Every. Single. Day.

If we wanted to dive a bit deeper into the pit of “jaded indie-boys” (which I cannot believe I even have to use this term and my apologies for any girl triggered by this which also includes myself), we can honestly see that this stereotype can be broken down into different categories, each with their own unique tang of what it means to have the appeal of being a 2019 Jaded Indie-Boy™.

So, in simpler terms, I’ll be breaking everything down for you into sub-genres. Because after all, there’s not just one simple type of the ultimate indie-boy.

Softbois

The definition of “softbois” can merely be defined by guys who are usually emotionally soft (or damaged, however you would like to put it) that will always talk your head off with their ideals on what it means to be alive, all while wearing turtlenecks or crew neck sweaters that can be typically seen with black pants and of course, the Doc Martens.

The Doc Martens are essential to any “softbois” aesthetic. You can even spot one reading poetry out of the book they carry in their pocket that some old white male such as Robert Frost or Edgar Allan Poe wrote as they smoke a cigarette. On a good day, they might even write you a poem but will discuss that at another time.

E-Boys

This genre of indie-boy species has been new to the list due to the new era of Generation Z. They are TRULY the hardest style to try and mock since this particular look is usually found on Instagram or TikTok, all while wearing huge ‘bike chains’ around their neck attached to a lock, which until this day I do and will not understand, with chipped black nail polish and most of all, the one single earring that dangles. They will usually turn up harder than any other genre of “indie-boy.”

Skater boys

Now we have entered the most classic, tragic and dramatic category of them all: that is your typical skater boy. You can find one at your local shopping center doing tricks down ramps that clearly have the ‘Do NOT Skate Here’ signs, shopping at your local thrift and maybe stealing a beanie while they’re at it, too.

They’re usually texting your best friend, “Hey, it was nice seeing you at the show last night, you looked cute. Sorry I didn’t come up and say hi. I was with the boys lol”, and watching a Quentin Tarantino film on their flat mattress that lays on the floor of their stained apartment floor.