I’m a super extra, post-punk soundtrack loving, Dustin curl appreciating, Stranger Things obsessed fan. When I say, extra, I mean extra. I have watched Season one a total of four times. I successfully got three separate friends to watch it and they were hooked. I’ve watched season two, twice.

But what exactly is the maze going to offer? Halloween Haunt and Knott’s Scary Farm, from what I’ve heard, spare no expense and leave no zombie without a dark corner to scare the crap out of attendees. But Stranger Things does not exactly equal fright. The show is suspenseful and nostalgic. If the maze-makers don’t screw getting that 80’s sci-fi adventure vibe in, I’m already half way happy.

A Bitchin’ Soundtrack

I’m already imagining a really shitty and cheesy remix of The Clash’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” playing through the speakers and I’m cringing as I type this. That’s as scary as it gets. That’s my Upside Down. Just like the show, the music they choose for this maze is not going to be complete without a solid soundtrack. Fans who already listened to the music before the show even premiered want dark, synth-filled melodies, post-punk, and dark wave tracks from the show. The maze should seriously include some dissonant synthesizer like they do in the score of the actual show. “Nocturnal Me” by Echo and the Bunnymen, which plays season one, episode five into the credits, right after Nancy gets trapped inside the tree/ The Upside Down should definitely be included (yes, I really have watched it four times). I also hope the maze incorporates Joy Division’s “Atmosphere,” which is also in season 1. Honestly, they should add in any other Joy Division songs just for fun, because so many are dark as hell and might add to the fright factor.

The Obvious Characters

In the maze, we’d better not see an actress playing Nancy screaming for Jonathan because that would be so predictable. I want to see Steve’s bat, (not like that. The one with the nails…) doing something in this maze. At the end of the maze, the bat would be a perfect, iconic, heroic and happy ending.

I have a feeling they’re going to bring that slimy ass D’Artagnan to the maze. Honestly, you can’t tell me you weren’t just a little pissed off at Dustin for lying to the homies about keeping him as a pet. He jeopardized all their lives! Then again, he’s been the most bullied due to his cleidocranial dysplasia, he saw Dart as a friend he could come home to, so I understand him in that sense, if Dart hadn’t killed Dustin’s cat and almost killed his human buddies. A friend that betrays you. Now that’s scary.

Moving on to the king of creeps in the show, the Demogorgon. How in the hell are they going to bring this giant to life at Horror Nights? Some CGI, green screen, projector type deal? Or is it going to be a tall dude in a well made costume that spews nasty grimey spit? … (I just described Donald Trump, didn’t I?) Maybe the creators of the maze should just stick Donald Trump’s face on a giant screen with Demogorgon cries playing underneath the most outlandish shit he’s said. Joyce’s signature horrified expression could pop up on the projection at random times. Too political? Maybe I’m reaching, because I truly do not see how they are going to incorporate the monster without overkill, because I’m predicting they’re gonna have random Demogorgons pop out of the maze in front of the attendees in well made costumes. That doesn’t sound bad, actually. If I saw a Demogorgon coming at me down a public street in the day time, I’d still freak. Imagine me in a controlled maze at night?

Universal is the house of the classic monsters of film: Frankenstein’s monster and his Bride, The Wolf Man, Dracula, and the Mummy. There is no doubt they are going to go all out when Hawkins Lab, the Upside Down and Casa Byers are introduced to the park September 2018. One would hope that, even though it’s a Netflix production and not Universal Pictures, the park sets the same standard of keeping the maze classic. As a hardcore Stranger Things lover, I have high expectations. As someone who stays away from anything horror, I’m psyched enough to go to the park, even just for the maze to check it out. I know, that sounds crazy, but I am serious. I have to get through the clowns, zombies, and other ghouls that come block my path as I make my way to the park. I’m trying to get as lost and mesmerized as Will in this maze. Or else I’m going to have a Billy sized bone to pick with the creators, (just kidding. Billy is the ultimate jerk. I’m more of a Lucas when I express myself, anyway.) I’ll be there, with some friends as brave as Eleven surrounding me. See you soon, Hawkins.