For some people, straight women and gay men go together like peanut butter and jelly, but not everyone likes PB&J. Some gay men find allies in straight women because they’re able to be comfortable around each other with no judgement, as opposed to befriending straight cis-gendered males which can sometimes lead to sexism, homophobia and blatant ignorance.
It’s something you often see on television. The cute, slightly obnoxious girl has a “gay best friend” who she confides to and can be sassy with, but it’s nothing like that. There’s an inherent obsession for straight women toward gay men. They think that because a man is gay they can easily befriend him and just skip pass the building of a foundation that friendships usually start with. It’s like an easy and quick friendship in which they can be themselves. It’s a cute gesture and all, but it’s illogical.
Someone’s sexuality shouldn’t make them more approachable or friendlier because sexuality and character traits don’t necessarily coincide with one another. It’s especially an issue when straight women immediately get naked in front of a man who is gay. I don’t know why they are so comfortable but it happens often, which personally makes me uncomfortable. Also, getting my ass grabbed by a straight woman and being called terms like “hunty” or telling me I “slay”makes me literally cringe because it’s so out of context and forced, and it’s harassment.
There’s nothing worse than meeting a girl and being pounced on, or having her try to hook you up with her other gay friend. I remember going out with my best friend and meeting one of her co-workers who started telling me to “come through” just because of my signature hairstyle that has some hairs falling over my face. I wanted to roll my eyes to the very back of my head to the point where I didn’t have to look at them.
Topics of conversations are so dry sometimes when you meet a girl on the weekend. I’m out trying to have a good time, not wanting to have a basic conversation with a girl about something gay because that’s all she thinks she can talk to me about. Just a fair warning, this isn’t meant to bash straight women and their pursuit to find friends they can be comfortable around, but more of a PSA to educate them.
A man being gay doesn’t mean he’s your accessory or a token gay friend that you can disrespect or make uncomfortable because you “love the gays” or “hate hetereos.” It’s a significant issue that a lot of gay men don’t like to address because it’s not blatantly in-your-face disrespectful, but subtle. It’s putting gay men into a box as to how every gay man should be, which is stereotypical in an ignorant straight woman’s eyes.
Another thing thing I find straight women and straight men do is ask the most ignorant and infuriating questions about a gay man’s sexual preference. “Are you top or bottom?” or “Who’s the girl?” Those questions literally make me want to throw up the Panera I had for lunch. It’s so out of line to ask any gay man that question.
And then there’s always crude jokes with smirks along with glances when it comes to anything that has do with a phallic object or something that may be seemingly gay. For instance, I’m a server, so at my restaurant, our lingo for getting sat multiple tables at once in our section is called being slammed. For some reason, slamming translates into sex and when I happen to say I’m getting slammed at work I get responses like, “Oh I bet you like getting slammed, huh?”
It’s annoying, old and tacky.
Everyone should be treated equal. It’s an issue that our generation seems to have a problem with. Your sexual orientation and how you identify shouldn’t matter. We should all be treated with respect. From this gay man’s perspective, leave your stereotypical gay references at the door and just be a kind and open-minded human being.
