Edited 05/5/25 to reflect accurate figures regarding student housing insecurity.
WARNING: This article is satire. That means it’s a joke–-but like, the kind of joke that makes you laugh and then stare at the ceiling thinking about capitalism. If you are a college administrator, this may sting. If you are a student, you probably already know.

Mt. SAC President Martha Garcia has been making rounds around campus lately, wearing what some say is the most expensive outfit in a 5-mile radius of our community college.

From Gucci belts to Gucci bags, it seems like the town hall meeting comes with a fashion show. Only this one’s less “Project Runway” and more read the room.

While some might describe her style as confident and professional, others might call it what it is: an Instagram ad for late-stage capitalism.

Because nothing says ‘I care about equity’ like luxury fashion in an unsteady institution.

Let’s do the math, shall we?

• Mt. SAC students are struggling with tuition, housing insecurity, and finding parking on campus that’s so bad it should be a form of psychological warfare.
• Many rely on financial aid, food stamps, or caffeine and adderall fueled delusion to survive.
• The school’s introducing tactical tasers and AR-15’s into campus police discussions (because nothing says “learning environment” like semi-automatic vibes on campus).

And meanwhile, the president is pulling up in Gucci that cost more than all your textbook’s resale value and dignity combined.

Inspiration is great, but most students would prefer to be enrolled without needing a GoFundMe link in their bio.
And yet, here we are sitting in underfunded classrooms lacking adequate financial resources while the President attends forums looking like she’s ready to host a reality show called America’s Next Top Underfunded Institution.

Sure, everyone has a right to dress how they want. Yes, everyone deserves a little glam. (You work hard Doc, there’s no doubt about that).

But when some students are unhoused, the rest are one flat tire away from dropping out, and students are scraping together meal plan money with pocket lint and FAFSA forgiveness prayers, the message comes off less “visionary leader” and more “influencer who accidentally wandered into a board meeting.”

And while we’re on the topic … how are we normalizing spending thousands on AR-15s and tasers for “student safety,” but we can’t even get proper funding for mental health and housing resources?

Garcia cashes out at $342,500 base pay annually since 2023 according to her contract … girl, you pay for those guns if y’all want them so bad.

As I’m writing this article, it’s been about three weeks since I’ve heard back from the ACCESS program about my application – this is not a joke. LOL. *cries in car*

Also, for those in need of any assistance, or know someone who could use it, I’ve listed some resources below, hope it helps:

• Financial Aid
• Food Assistance
• Behavioral Health
• Housing Assistance

Final Thoughts from the Financial Aid Line: Fashion is personal. Leadership is political. And at a community college, maybe … just maybe … the two shouldn’t clash so loudly.

Stay suspicious, stay sarcastic, and most importantly—stay SAC’d up. Reporting live from the last working outlet in building 26, this has been your favorite certified SAC-tivist in journalism.