I am the terror that writes in the night, I am the arbiter of good and bad opinions, I am LUCY RIVAS.

Zoomer fashion is just the leftovers of Y2K.

At the risk of sounding old, I must start the following statement by saying, “BACK IN MY DAY.” Wearing New Balances would forever label you a dork. Baggy pants? As if. Everyone knows that all the fly people wore skinny jeans, they were Da Bomb. Zip-up hoodies? Ugh, wack. Finally, Von Dutch and Ed Hardy are uggo, so talk to the hand.

Movie reviews should rarely go beyond a five out of 10

Modern audiences have come to the bizarre conclusion that if a movie fails to get anything higher than a 7 out of 10, then it is a bad movie. For this grading system to make more sense, we as a society need to go back to treating five as average instead of seven. 6 would be slightly above average; 7 would be above average; 8 would be fantastic; 9 would be near perfect and 10 would be a masterpiece. This system allows for more diverse grading and creates space to highlight true art and separate it from trash. I don’t want to keep living in a world where “A Minecraft Movie” and “Jurassic Park” have the same rating.

All couples should keep their PDA at home

I bring this up as a pansexual trans woman, so I have no hate toward anyone’s sexual orientation. That said, I’ve had enough of all you happy couples holding hands in the park, kissing each other at restaurants, and having lovely picnics by the lake. Have some respect for us lonely bastards.

“One Piece” is not that long.

“Michelangelo’s painting of the Sistine Chapel is way too big. How can I possibly enjoy it all? Kill Bill has two parts? Ugh, that’s way too long. The Great Wall of China? More like the very long wall of China.” That’s how you philistines sound. Judging a masterpiece based on its length or size is what the small-minded do.

Reverse parking is stupid.

We get it, you can park in reverse, nobody cares. All you are doing is blocking both lanes of traffic and keeping others from parking sooner. You probably think you look cool and impressive doing this, but you’re not.

Japan is not the paradise westerners think it is

Japan is responsible for some of the greatest pieces of media in the world; anime, Nintendo, and sushi are great, but the fact is that Japan is a deeply xenophobic country that literally overworks its citizens to death. Japan also has a law that punishes citizens whose waistlines exceed the required limit, known as the “Metabo Law.” All countries have their pros and cons, but Japan is often given a pass by Americans that would never be as charitable toward another country like Mexico, which many think is either a war-torn country or a collection of villages that still use donkeys for transportation.

Star Trek is better than Star Wars.

I love “Star Wars”; please don’t misunderstand me, but growing up is realizing that “Star Trek” is far superior in every way. “Star Wars” is about the hero’s journey. It’s very easy to digest and offers a more cinematic experience. “Star Trek,” on the other hand, is about breaking barriers and asking audiences philosophical questions that will expand their way of thinking. It’s about the price of peace and embracing our differences. “Star Wars” is about, well, war.

AI dating is more complex than people make it out to be

AI dating is the use of artificial intelligence to replace traditional human relationships with virtual projections. Many are concerned that this rising trend will further handicap a generation already struggling with social skills. Love is a very powerful thing, yet it’s such a vague concept that varies person to person. To deny someone love is to starve them of bliss, and so sometimes that love can take different shapes, like the love one has for their parents or for their pet. My argument is that even if the thing that makes you feel love is inanimate, it does not invalidate your feelings and cognition. I’m not necessarily advocating for AI dating, but it is an issue that deserves more nuanced discussion.

Superman is evil

Superman can move at 26.8 quintillion mph, he has lifted the book of infinite pages, and can benchpress 6 sextillion metric tons for days. He could end all war and conflict in less than a second. In the Injustice universe, we see Superman do just that, only for him to turn into an evil dictator. So who’s more evil? The Superman who has the power to stop injustice but refuses to do so, or the one who does but becomes morally corrupted.

Dog people are a red flag.

Dog people don’t want a pet that’s too independent or intelligent, like cats. They want a pet that worships them unconditionally and that they can control with very little effort. Cats teach us to respect their space and to invest time to build trust. I’ll end with this: you know who else has a dog? Superman.

This concludes my goated opinions, you’re welcome.